Monday, October 15, 2012

shoot the bullet to the gullet, would you?

James finally returned from Iraq after three years of serving in the unremitting wars. He missed his pretty little Irish descent wife, Jess more than anything. He elaborately kept tracks of his feelings for her in his pocket diary whenever time allowed him to do so. He put Jess’ picture under his pillow sheet and made sure it was not stolen or unintentionally folded. He kvetched about some onerous military policies that had caused troubles in his love life to his soldier friends every day. He was initially reluctant to go but Jess badgered him to. Jess told him that she would be proud if James died as a patriot. Yes, proud. James was proud to return home. James did not tell Jess that he was home. He wanted to make it a surprise for his beloved wife. James never failed to surprise Jess back to the time they were dating. James liked to see Jess’ reaction when he bought her a mini MPV for her birthday. Nonetheless, his favorite moment was when Jess fainted after given an apartment unit a month after their poignant engagement. James asked the driver of the airport limousine to drive him home straightaway. He did not trust his family for that. He knew that his family had never been good at keeping secrets, especially the important ones. After two hours of a long and tiresome journey, James eventually reached home. He gave some tips to the driver and stood still in front of his yellow-colored house. He recalled back the memories he had with his wife at the small marbled veranda. He could not believe that he was finally stepping back into his house; his own house. He slowly walked to the front door in anticipation and softly clenched his fist in passion. Lucky for him the doorknob was not changed even after three years. He managed to open the wooden door. Then his pulse abruptly stopped. His wife was on the plastic couch, with another man. “What the hell were you thinking??!!” James shouted, loud enough to shake the ground.Jess and the mysterious man were immediately awakened. They both stared at James in apparent daze. James pulled Jess’ hand and got it tightly squeezed. The other man jumped from the couch, took his shorts and run away though the kitchen. The battlefield was thoroughly left for the infuriated James and his surprised wife. Yes, surprised. Jess was surprised by the surprising surprise. This time it was not in a good way. James could not care much about the guy immediate escapade. The only thought on his mind was his wife’s malicious and bloodcurdling adultery. He could not accept it. Then he banged the thunders again. “How could you do this to me? I love you with all my heart. How could you?”“I was lonely, extremely lonely you know. I needed a man in my life. I felt insecure.”Jess responded anxiously. “Then you think I did not need a woman in my life? I didn’t feel insecure?” “You are a man. It’s different.” Jess uttered in fear.“When did this start? A month ago?”James asked Jess. His face contorted and emitted out the disappointment of his broken heart.“Ermmmmm, a month after you left.” Jess replied with her eyes half-closed. Her tears started to drop.Then James let Jess’ hand off. He looked down at the dusty floor and paused for a minute. He could not control his tears anymore. Then he spoke back.<br /><br />“I thought you were strong enough.”James took his luggage and went to the door. He left the house and never came back.A month passed and James was still disoriented. He stayed at his boy friend’s house a thousand miles from his own. He was drunk, lying down like a grievously sick HIV patient on a bed. A bottle of Russian Vodka was next to him, unsealed, with a bag of cristal.<br /><br />His boy friend woke him up with a kiss on James’ neck. James pulled him to the bed and gave some feedback. Before they did anything further, James boy friend asked him something.<br /><br />“I thought you were a Catholic?”James paused. He moved the corner of the bed and sat down. Then he replied.“I guess I was not strong enough.”James stood up and headed himself to the room’s door. He could not do it. He noticed that he had changed so much after his separation from his wife. He drank every day, became a member of a gay bar, made friends with drug dealers, and stole money from his mother. Most importantly, he also realized that both he and his wife were the same. They were not strong enough.

You tend to tell people to be strong. But do you know what does strong mean? If someone declares his apostasy, is she still strong? If someone fights against cancer and wins, is she strong? Which one is stronger for you? Tell me.

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