from north to south, i moved back and forth.

I thought you were dead and I was out of dread. Having this simple thought would be enough to make this silly story turn around 360 degrees. I would be the dead person while you would be the living one. I thought you were the one cremated and I was the one mourning. I was wrong. We both still lived our own lives. Reincarnation made everything intricate and I couldn't find my new freedom gate. 

I thought you were swallowed by the boisterous, gigantic waves of time. I thought you wouldn't stand the tides like the Ark of Noah did. I thought you were extinguished by the soldiers of memory and would never be recalled again. The Russian roulette couldn’t keep us apart. We both still projected animations of puppetry. The same animations we used to projected. The same animations of curbed feelings. 

I thought you were gone, swept away by the wind of space and eaten by the monster of minutes. I thought your engine of destructive-at-the-same-time-constructive verbal machine would never be ignited again. I was wrong. 

You were the ancient Delphi flame. You would not die easily. You lived forever in this small mental sphere of mine. I saw you everyday, walking, living, dying, and living again, in my horizon of inexplicable vision. I wanted you to be dead forever. I was wrong. I wanted you to die, and then I wanted you to live, and after that I wanted you to die again. I had no idea what kind of dark emblem you were representing.

Your eyes, I still liked them the way I used to. They still illuminated my unenlightened world; the absence of light in my mind became a solved problem. Your fair skin, it was still as delicate as the last time I touched it. 

I had no idea what struck me these few days. I guess it was you. You were the one unbeatable combatant. Talking about you was painful. Correction, I couldn’t even talk about you. No one would listen and no one would ever understand. I couldn’t speak a word when it came to you. You were that special to me. Only if you could see that through me; through my sharp words written here.

I had no idea of right and wrong. I just wanted to write about you, to express my deep emotions through my saddening tone and inexpensive words. I hated this mania. I hated this craze. I hated this lunacy. I hated this foolery. I hated everything that messed up when I thought of you.

You should have gone forever. You should not have come back, even for a sec. I didn’t welcome you. I never did. I just wanted you to go away. “Go away. Go away. Go away. Take you luggage and don’t dare to step into my forbidden territory again. Go to that airport and fly straight to the capital of calamity. Let yourself be doomed there. I didn’t need you,“ - These were the contents of my heart last time. Nonsensical contents. 

I didn’t want you to come back but I wanted you to be back. I wanted to let you die but I wanted to let you live. I was perplexed. Compulsion of emotions pushed me to the end of the world; it pushed me to the point of nothingness. Convulsion of physique pulled me up to the ceiling of despair before it pulled me down to the floor of melancholy. I had no idea what happened to me. I only understood one thing- I would always love you. 

The flame would never die. It would never fade away. It would never stop burning. It would never lose its heat. It would never lose its thermal dazzle. It would never lose its ambient red color. It would never lose its high temperature. It would never lose its capability, to scathe me, to scald my red, young blood, to torture me to the level I could get desensitized, to blister my skin, or briefly to slowly kill me. I wanted to stop this conflagration but I was powerless. One fact that I would never fail to understand, again, never, I had a phantasmal voice speaking to me in mind . The voice made me believe that “I will always love you.” Everyday, it would remind me, “I will always love you."